I never had children, much to my everlasting regret. I think I would have been a good parent, although then again I may not. One thing I would have concentrated hard on doing was giving our children good, solid names that would have grown with them. I eschew names that are cutesy names befitting an infant, even a toddler, that look positively stupid for a teenager or, heaven forbid, an older adult.
To be honest, I do like some names that are out there. For girls, I love the names Marisa, Daniela and Gabriela though, to be clear, I could only have given those names to daughters whose mothers were Latinas. I would never have given the product of two Irish or any other non-Latin union those names. That would have been absurd.
I do think Seamus and Brendan are solid names for boys. I would never have named a son after myself for myriad reasons. First, it's selfish. Second, it doesn't give the child his own identity. Third, there's no way I'm burdening a child with a title such as Junior or II. Uh uh, that wasn't going to happen.
Karen gave her sons names taken from the Bible. They're good, strong names that harken back to their namesakes. Karen says that if we'd had had a son, there is no way she would have consented to a son being named Seamus, fearful that the child would have been ridiculed in school and worse. I don't agree. I was ridiculed in school and my name was nowhere near as colorful as Seamus, so I don't think that would have mattered. Besides, Seamus would have had my teachings and would have beaten the tar out of anyone who made fun of him.
But there are others out there, notably celebrities, who think that naming their children is like naming a new business. Instead of giving the child a solid name that will grow with the child, they give him a name that is designed to grab attention, much like naming a brand to be catchy and give it marketplace recognition.
Some celebrity children aren't burdened like this, but many are. Gwyneth Paltrow, that paragon of self-indulgent excess, named her daughter Apple. Sorry, but that's just plain stupid. But that's comparatively tame next to these horrible names:
Kal-El -- Nicholas Cage's son
Pilot Inspektor -- Jason Lee's son
Fifi Trixibelle -- Bob Geldorf's daughter
Sage Moonblood -- Sylvester Stallone's son
Audio Science -- daughter of Shannyn Sossamon (whoever that is)
Moxie Crimefighter -- child (son? daughter?) of Penn Jillette
But two of the worst have to be Tu Morrow, child of Rob Morrow and Jermajesty, child of Jermaine Jackson. In neither case is the gender of the child readily identifiable, meaning that there are more unisex names out there beyond Leslie, Kim, Jamie, Carmen and Kelsey.
Even assuming that a child is given a relatively normal name, sometimes he opts for something not as mundane. This morning while listening to the CBS Morning News, a reporter by the name of Chip Reid came on. A distinguished looking fellow roughly my age, I wondered why someone of our vintage would be named Chip. When I got to the office, I looked him up and saw that he is, in fact, roughly my age, and his given name is Charles. Now, I would balk if someone tried to call me Charlie (I loathe diminutives), but Charles isn't so bad and Chuck has a masculine quality to it. Chip sounds like someone trying desperately to hold onto his adolescence.
A former quarterback of the University of Texas is Colt McCoy. Down there, that may ring true, but would I want to be named Colt? Doubtful. I suppose after awhile one gets used to it, but that's just not my cup of tea.
The name a child is given usually sticks with him for life. Sure, the child can change the name, or go by another name. Sometimes even the child makes a bad choice as did Richard Trickle, who chooses to go by the first name Dick. But parents ought to be more responsible when naming their children. Even if the child later changes his name, he's going to be asked at some point about his former name, especially if he's the child of a celebrity.
Seamus would have understood. I hope he would have been proud of his name.
Even though his mother would have been glaring at me every time she heard his name.
(c) 2013 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles
Seamus would have been called something else by his mother. The kids at school would call him all kinds of names starting with Shame, had he had some girth he'd have been Shame Bus....etc.
ReplyDeleteI know how that game is played as I had it played on me terribly.
Seamus...may as well have been Herkimer or Eliphalet.
I wish people could hear how you would have pronounced your girl names :) No one but you would have pronounced them like that and then you'd be unhappy.
You would have been an exceptional father. I'm glad my grandchildren have you. They already love you, think of them as adults and having had you all their lives. They are lucky little souls.