It's been awhile, but I've seen too many guys online with their tongues hanging out about certain women that caused me to scratch my head and say to myself, Really? Margaret Wolfe Hungerford knew of what she spoke when she wrote that Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but with some of these women, I think many men need to get to the optometrist, stat.
Kate Upton: I know I'm in the minority on this one. She's cute. She can be sexy. And she's clearly bodacious. But she just doesn't do anything for me. Again, I'm in the minority, but no matter how sassy she is, she holds next to no appeal for me.
Anna Kournikova: How I admitted this woman from the first list escapes me. She's about as plain as plain can be. Sure, she's fit and she's blonde, but beyond that...what? She wasn't even that good of a professional tennis player.
Rhonda Rousey: When she was the hottest ticket in women's MMA, people oohed and aahed about her. Granted, compared to many in that sport, she's not butt ugly like they are, but she ain't pretty at all. On top of that, she's rude. In no way is this woman attractive, let alone beautiful.
Savannah Guthrie: There are so many anchors who are better looking than this woman. I can only hope that her hiring was done on merit and not looks. Mind you, I don't like her regardless, but if anyone considers her a beauty, they're seriously deluded.
Anna Koimann: This is the American version of Anna Kournikova. Another blonde, perky, fit woman, she's just not attractive. At best she's cute. But to read legions of men online, she's the second coming of Marilyn Monroe. I wish I could go all Lloyd Benson on them, but I never knew Marilyn Monroe. Ms. Koimann seems like a very nice woman, but not only is she not beautiful -- I might be willing to go to cute if paid enough -- she doesn't seem to have a lot of wattage upstairs, either. She does seem to be very nice, if that's any consolation.
Samantha Smith: Another Fox News anchor, Ms. Smith once posed languorously for racy shots in a bikini. Now she wants to be considered a hardcore newswoman. I suppose the plight of women trying to make their way in that business is harder than it is for men, but I have trouble taking her seriously after seeing those shots. She ran track for LSU; isn't that enough exposure? To top if off, she just isn't attractive. She ain't ugly, but she's not beautiful by any stretch.
Kristen Stewart: Ah, the actress for whom so many fake vampires and werewolves died. She's on the Tara Reid career path, letting herself go precipitously. Fortunately for her, it isn't a long way to the bottom, because whatever attraction she might have had was gone by the time hit her twenties.
Jennifer Lopez: The Latina Kate Upton, another one where I'm in the minority. I like Latinas just fine, but I can think of dozens of Latinas far prettier than Ms. Lopez. She can look good at times, but by no means is she in the pantheon of beautiful women, no matter how many shocking dresses she wears in public.
Kerry Washington: The self-proclaimed member of the Obama administration has men throwing themselves at her in her show, and all I can wonder is, why?
Adriana Lima: There used to be beautiful Victoria's Secret Angels. Then they just starting picking tall women with thin bodies. Ms. Lima qualifies as an exotic version . She's attractive, I suppose, but she isn't in the same class of Angels of yesteryear.
Miranda Kerr: See Adriana Lima, above. What was Orlando Bloom thinking? Then again, he's with Katy Perry now, so his judgment unquestionably is suspect.
Emily Ratajkowski: This woman cam to prominence in the Robin Thicke's video Blurred Lines. I've never seen it. I'm not a Robin Thicke fan. But this woman...is evidence that to most guys, boobs trump all. She's not pretty. She's not attractive. She's not cute. She's got a pair of boobs and is willing to titillate at various stages of undress. Perhaps she's a genius and a very nice person. But a looker she ain't. Of all the women on this list, this is the woman who's supposed charms I understand the least. But good for her.
Anna Paquin: When she was young, she was cute. Then she grew up. Age is a tough taskmistress.
Katie Holmes: She may be cute, but what caused Tom Cruise to jump on a couch on national television and Jamie Foxx to risk Cruise's opprobrium? She's not all that.
And there you have the 2018 class of Ugly Beauties.
(c) 2018 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles
