Phrases I Hate

Language is something I keenly watch, and I enjoy wordsmiths who can use language playfully.  There are people who write majestically using few words, and I admire them beyond compare.  At the same time, there are writers who are atrocious, either because of their circumlocution or their inability to speak evenly and with a good flow.

Still, in ordinary speech, it's difficult to find people who are gifted enough to lift the level of language at the drop of a hat.  Writers can always edit their words, or have people who help them edit their prose.  Speakers, especially when they speak extemporaneously, aren't always possessed of articulate elegance.  When they are, it's pure music.  But when they aren't, it can become hackneyed and hard to listen.

At the conversational level, we all -- myself included -- fall into certain staples that we either favor or use as common defaults.  Karen likes to tease me that there are certain phrases that I use so often as to gain admission into the Redundancy School of Redundancy.  She's right; I do.  And some of the ones I use may be off-putting to other people, because there are certain phrases or usages that others use that drive me nuts.  I'm wrong on these, I realize, but still...I cringe whenever I hear these words or phrases used in the contexts in which they're used. 

I married my best friend:  Yes, Karen is my best friend.  But to describe what I did when I married her as having married my best friend doesn't even begin to describe the magnitude of what I did.  I married the best person I'll ever know, the love of my life, the woman who makes me go weak in the knees and whose voice and touch I crave above all others.  I realize that when the adjective best is used, it necessarily separates that person from the rest of one's friends.  Still, there are other nouns that I'd use -- lover, for example -- that rarely get used.  It's as if we're trying to equate friendship with love, and although there may be elements of each in both, I think love (and lover) is superior to friendship (and friend).  But what do I know?

Fellowship:  This one is fingernails on a blackboard to me.  When used in the religious context, it drives me nuts.  It shouldn't, I know, but the only proper usage of fellowship for me involves hobbits, golden rings and authors with three initials.  Again, I'm wrong, but I can't stand this one.

Daddy:  Being a carpetbagging Northerner, this objection may be regional.  I have no problem with children using this for their fathers.  Heck, I did it...for awhile.  My objection to the usage of this word is when adults -- thirty-year-olds, forty-year-olds and older -- refer to their fathers as daddy.  Karen, who has deep roots south of the Mason-Dixon line, has argued with me that it's a normal usage in Dixie, and I'll stipulate to that.  I might even be persuaded that women can still use this to refer to their fathers well into their dotage.  But men?  Seriously?  Men who themselves are fathers?  I don't know.  I can't imagine using the term at that age.  Then again, my relationship with my own father was distant at best, so what do I know?

Journey:  It's de rigueur to describe romantic relationships as a journey.  Perhaps the first five hundred times the word was used this way it was evocative.  Now it's lame and lazy.  Besides -- where is this relationship going?  A journey usually as an end point in mind.  Does anyone know where a relationship is headed when it begins?

Chemistry:  This is another overworked word used in relationships.  And journey is too narrow, chemistry doesn't adequately describe a relationship if for no other reason that it's too broad.   What kind of chemistry?  Some kind is combustible.  Other kinds make things foam up.  Still other kinds burn.  Saying that a couple has great chemistry is fine, and at one time it was novel, but now it's like journey and it's become trite.  Not to mention broadly inaccurate.

Iconic:  This is one that gained traction and has since taken off into oblivion.  There are certainly icons in music, sports, entertainment and other fields.  But the use of this term is so watered down now that anyone who has been able to extend his fifteen minutes of fame to a full hour is now called iconic by the media.  It's overused to the point of dilution now.  I'm not sure it can ever retain its original meaning such that the likes of Michael Jordan won't be lumped into the same category as Demi Lovato.

Baby:  Ugh.  My wife is no baby.  I guarantee that.  She's my sweetheart, my love, my bride, my beloved, the center of my universe...but she's no baby.  Women can use it, I guess, as an affectionate term for their beloved, but it sounds bad to me when a man uses it for his woman.

That's a good/great question:  So someone's being interviewed and she feels it's acceptable to rate the questions being asked?  It's probably a schmooze tactic that's taught by handlers to politicians and celebrities, and it could be used to buy time to formulate a question.  In a casual interview, when someone is taken aback by the question and has to think about the answer for a second, saying that may actually be honest.  But the way some high profile people use it (and repeatedly use it during an interview) it comes off as practiced and insincere.

Thank you for asking me/I'm glad you asked that question:  This one usually comes up in interviews with politicians, athletes or celebrities who have been involved in a scandal.  They say it so seem forthright.  It's unctuous.  The problem is that ones that use it are usually ones that have done something embarrassing or heinous and don't really want to have to answer something, so they want to sound as if they do want to be there answering questions.  Again, it could simply be practiced, something that a handler told them to say to make them seem more likeable.  To me it rings false.

(c) 2017 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles

My Beautiful Wife Karen

My blogpost stats page informed me that this post would be my 512th post.  Given that my favorite date of the year is May 12, and that a significant and eerily coincidental events have taken place on that date, I think it's only fitting that I use this blogpost for my favorite subject.

Advice given to would-be authors is to write about what one knows.  Taking that advice for this blogpost, I'll write about the woman I know and, moreover, the person I like the best.  My wife is the best person I'll ever know.  No saint is she, and she'd be the first to admit that she's not perfect, but she's the perfect woman for me.

There are myriad adjectives that can aptly describe her:  Intelligent, witty, gorgeous, creative, strong, loyal, passionate, snarky, playful, religious, musical, caring, fun, nurturing, patient, courteous, kind, caring, supportive, considerate...I could spend all day listing the wonderful attributes my wife has.  I suppose any husband in love with his wife would do the same, but I'm right about mine.  That I'm so fortunate in life is because my wife is all the wonderful things I describe, and then some.

We met in an...unconventional way.  That's a story for another time, perhaps.  But if one were to know the story of our courtship and engagement, one would realize what a resolute woman Karen is.  She defied society and tradition, not to mention her family, to be with me.  She put up with our dire circumstances, not to mention my shenanigans, to stay with me and eventually marry me.  She put up with my family's neuroses, never fearful that the lunatic strain would manifest itself in me.  Well, at least I don't think she's fearful of that happening.

With Karen I've seen more of this country in nine years than I'd seen in the previous forty-seven.  I've been exposed to new traditions, old communities, different lifestyles and exciting novelties.  She's a fearless liver of life who always wants to experience as much as she can.

Much like our Mother, Karen will thoughtfully remember something someone told her and present the person with what it was that person was seeking.  Oftentimes, she'll focus her attention on a thing that is viewed by society at large as less than beautiful -- bonsai trees, English bulldogs, me -- and fall head-over-heels in love with it.  She champions the unfortunate.

Despite this, she bristles at compliments.  If I tell her "You're beautiful," her immediate rejoinder is a hearty "You're beautiful," which I decidedly am not.  If I remark that I'm strong, she dismisses the judgment as being silly.  Yet, if anyone knew what she went through with her auto-immune diseases, he'd be amazed that the cheerful, pleasant woman before him was up all night with sick headaches, belly issues and sundry other symptoms.  The number of pills she has to take is overwhelming; that she hates to take pills only adds to the indignity.

It is trite to say that I'm a better person because of her, not because it's untrue but because anyone says that about his love.  But it's true.  Make no mistake:  I'm hardly a changed person; I'm better than I would have been had I never met my wife.  I'm calmer, more patient, less prone to act out -- although Karen would debate me on that last one.  I'm more interested in doing things that I'd never done before, if for no other reason that it makes Karen happy.  For one, she says that she has oodles of fun when we dance, when the fact of the matter is that as far as dancing goes, I'm barely more mobile than a statue.  I think it's the risibility of my efforts that provokes the glee in her, but she'd say otherwise.  No matter.  That she enjoys it encourages me to try, my surgically-repaired hips notwithstanding.

She is the love of my life, the center of my being.  I will love her beyond the end of time, not just forever.

(c) 2017 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles

North Korea

I've read a fair amount about the Korean War.  I wouldn't say I know as much about it as I do World War II, but I'm probably beyond novice status when it comes to knowledge about the conflict.  I know less of the history of the peninsula, shamefully, so I can't claim to understand all the motivations behind the weird behavior being exhibited by Kim Jong Un these days. 

Many are wringing their hands with all the missile test launches that are going on.  Apparently, North Korea was assisted by Pakistan and Iran with its ballistic missiles.  North Korea is happy to play the role of annoying younger brother looking to gain attention which, once it does, brings it economic relief for illusory promises to behave.  In a vacuum, North Korea poses a threat, although that threat is mostly felt by people nearby, chiefly Japan.  Considering what Japan's done historically to North Korea, I'd say that the threat was well-earned.

Still, it's unnerving to have a certified lunatic who kills people with whom he has a problem with rabid dogs, anti-aircraft guns and flamethrowers to have control of intercontinental ballistic missiles capable of carrying nuclear payloads.  Although I'm dubious of his ability to successfully strike the continental United States, he could wreak havoc on neighboring countries, mainly South Korea and Japan.  What his endgame is is anyone's guess, but it may boil down to something so simple as getting attention from world powers to elevate himself in his people's eyes.

But since I'm an attorney, and since most military men also deal with worst case scenarios, let's say that North Korea finds the wherewithal to launch successfully a nuclear ICBM at the homeland.  Pick the target; it really doesn't matter.  If that were to happen, the gloves come off.

North Korea is a terrible land.  Its mountainous landscape lends itself to defense.  If history teaches us anything, war there is a zero-sum game.  With the tripwire of the DMZ, any incursion from the North would provide us ample time to rush forces there and attack the vulnerable flanks of the peninsula.  The North has an intimidating military, but it's finite.  Unlike the Chinese behemoth, the North doesn't possess an endless stream of personnel.   Eventually, attrition would take its toll. 

Sure, people are worried about the Chinese getting involved and, given their belligerence, that's a concern.  But if the North were to launch an unprovoked strike against the West, and the West retaliated, I doubt the Chinese would intervene unless they felt threatened, as they did when Dugout Doug vowed to cross the Yalu. 

But if the North Koreans were to successfully launch an ICBM at the homeland, I wouldn't mess around.  I'd turn that country into a parking lot.  Normally, I don't suggest such flagrant responses, but in this case there are plenty of benefits.  First, there's no point in using ground troops.  It would be a slaughterhouse.  Second, we don't need another protracted war.  We're stretched too thin as it is.

No, we simply nuke the place.  Turn it into a parking lot.  I know lots of people suggest this for the Middle East, but I'd rather use North Korea as the proving ground to show the Islamofascists what's in store for them if they continue their jihad.  Besides, it'll give the Chinese pause and render North Korea uninhabitable for years.  It's not like their people are living now.

It's a harsh answer, I know.  And usually I'm not this bloodthirsty.  But enough is enough.   How long must we have our nose tweaked for no good reason before we hit back?  And not just hit back; hit them so hard that they never come back.  It sends a message to other enemies that if they persist in their attacks against our country, a horrible death awaits them.

It's an unpopular decision.

Tough. 

War isn't based on popularity.

(c) 2017 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles