If I couldn't or didn't do what I do for a living, there are a couple of other occupations that I'd pursue. Mind you, none of this is necessarily what's feasible, just things that I'd be interested in doing. As professional athletes are fond of saying, I'd gladly pay them to let me do this. In no particular order, here are five things I'd like to do if I were able to earn a living doing them:
Head coach of the U.S. Olympic men's basketball team: Since we got screwed in Munich in 1972 by the combined forces of FIBA and the IOC, I have looked forward to the summer Olympics to watch our team give it to the rest of the world. I'm all in favor of competition, but I'm not into rigged competition. Between FIBA and the IOC, the rest of the world has been trying to figure out a way to make it so that it takes over what is truly our game. Unlike hockey, where we have to fight hard to earn whatever we get, the world changes hoops and tinkers with the rules to level or, more correctly, unbalance the game to give them a chance. The trapezoidal lane, no alley-oops, no refs touching the ball on inbounds plays, the shorter three-second rule...Munich, you name it, they've tried it. Sure, on two other occasions the world won when we screwed up. They won fair and square in 1988 and 2004. But not in 1972.
Author: I don't aspire to write the Great American novel. I'm incapable of doing so for one simple reason: I can't write dialogue. The SGA will never worry about me applying for membership. But I do enjoy writing, as evidenced by this blog. I would like to make a living writing about things that I've experienced so I can share them with others, perhaps for their enjoyment or to spark their curiosity about things about which they may not have known. I have some favorite authors, but it's not like I aspire to the lifestyle of Hemingway or the riches of Rowling. I just like to write, and that would be a nice way to earn a living.
Photographer: Whether it were nature scenes or portraits, I'd like to do that. The problem with such a career would be my embarrissingly inept mechanical sense. Perhaps after years of tinkering I'd get good with all the hardware, but the only thing that would recommend me for such a job is my sense of composition. I like to look at photographs and since I'm utterly devoid of any creative DNA when it comes to painting or drawing or singing or composing music, photography would be the only visual or aural medium in which I'd stand a chance. Besides, I hate to have my picture taken, which would be a huge drawback with being the head coach of the U.S. Olympic men's basketball team.
Bookstore owner: This one is sending chills down my fiancée's back as I type the words. She already thinks I have more books than I should -- I don't -- and the thought of my owning more than what I have now positively frightens her. Of course, were she to look at it another way, the books wouldn't be in our house, so she'd have less clutter, as she calls it. I love books. Not all books, but I can lose myself in a bookstore so easily it's even more frightening than my desire to have a bookstore is to my girl. Given that, perhaps owning a bookstore wouldn't be such a financially swift move. Contrary to her opinion, I could easily sell the books -- provided, of course, that I owned my own copies of the ones I wanted.
Tourism officer for Spain: I'm already Spain's best unofficial and unpaid tourism officer, only Juan Carlos doesn't know it. I love Spain. I lived there for a year and consequently speak Spanish with a Castilian accent. It has some of the best food in the world, the best landscapes and the most mellifluous language I've ever heard. Those that say French is the language of love are tone deaf. Take a minute or two and listen to a Spaniard speak Spanish. Anyway, I love the country so much that I'd gladly be a tour guide for Americans there. My enthusiasm would be infectious, my knowledge ever-growing and my love for the country and its people unbounded. And we're not just talking tourist traps either. In all the time I lived in Spain I never once went to a bullfight or a flamenco performance. This cuts both ways, of course, because the charge can easily be made that I don't know as much about the country as I profess. Be that as it may, I could recitfy that easily enough and would be an asset to the country's tourist trade.
(c) 2012 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles
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