Recently, everyone's been going nuts over Jennifer Lawrence. Although I think Ms. Lawrence is talented and seems to be a lot of fun in a down-to-earth way, I don't think she's a raving beauty by any means. Just because a woman's fit doesn't make her beautiful. Ms. Lawrence has many fine attributes, but being beautiful is not one of them.
Some of the names that follow have probably been covered before, but Ms. Lawrence's candidacy prompts a review of the list and perhaps some new additions to it:
Cameron Díaz: Seriously? She has a great body I guess, but she looks like a frog facially. Perhaps she's a good comedic actress, but the fact that she's bedded some famous men doesn't convey beautiful status on her.
Drew Barrymore: Don't get it and never will. So her mother appeared in Playboy. So her father's a Barrymore. So what? She ain't beautiful.
Gwyneth Paltrow: Unbelievable that she's even mentioned in this vein. She's not only not beautiful, she's borderline plain, missing cute by miles.
Farrah Fawcett: Once the paragon of sexiness, I never got it. She bored me.
Christie Brinkley: The epitome of Californian beauty to many, I'll concede she's good-looking, just not beautiful. She's cute and attractive, but in no way is she classically beautiful. Besides, there's not a lot going on between the ears.
Kate Moss: The New Age Twiggy, I don't discount her because she's a Brit. I just never thought she was beautiful. She's gotten better with age -- no small feat -- but she's got Paltrow-quality looks.
Victoria Beckham: I suppose being in a girl band counts for something, as does being married to a man who's actually prettier than she is, but she's another woman who's lionized as beautiful simply for being fit.
Khloe Kardashian: She's.Not.Beautiful. End of discussion.
Diane Sawyer: Sure, she was in a beauty contest when she was younger, but whoever thought she was beautiful needs to visit the eye doctor.
Katie Couric: While we're on news anchors, Ms. Couric is the perpetually cute cheerleader type. But she ain't beautiful.
Julia Roberts: Pretty Woman? How about Really Cute Woman? But I'd have a beer with her any time.
Katie Holmes: Beside questioning her intelligence for marrying that twit Tom Cruise, she's another perpetually cute type, nothing more.
Giada DeLaurentis: Let's get this straight right away: Were it not for her bosom Ms. DeLaurentis would merely be another celebrity chef.
Claire Danes: This is another one on which Karen and I differ (Ms. Barrymore being the first) -- great actress though she may be, there is nothing remotely beautiful or cute about Ms. Danes. Nothing.
Anne Hathaway: I used to think she was a nose-job away from being beautiful. Then she did Les Miz and got overly obnoxious. Now I don't even think she's cute.
Kathy Ireland: This is almost blasphemous to call someone with this surname ordinary, especially since she was part of the original supermodel craze, but Ms. Ireland is nothing more than cute to me. In fact, she looks even more like a frog than Ms. Díaz. That being said, she seems very nice.
Claudia Schiffer: I suppose for many she's the dream blonde, but I look at her and see a dominatrix in model's clothing.
Linda Evangelista: Of all the Canadian women to call beautiful, she's not one of them.
Andrea Tantaros: One of the rotating women on The Five, Ms. Tantaros tries to compete with Kimberly Guilfoyle, another woman overrated on this scale, for being the hottie on the panel. Ms. Tantaros is annoyingly smug and frankly, not even cute.
Kimberly Guilfoyle: The aforementioned Ms. Guilfoyle is attractive and very photogenic, but she's not beautiful. Men salivate over here, and I can see why, but her intelligent sex kitten routine is undercut by her flighty topic choices and the fact that the camera does her no favors unless it's a still shot.
Sofia Vergara: The latest Latin hottie does have a phenomenal body, given her age, but her face is about as off-putting as they come. Any time she mugs comedically for the camera she looks like a pig. She's not ugly by any means, but by the same token, neither is she beautiful.
Jennifer Anniston: Another well-preserved older woman whose fame, I believe, derives from being in the cast of Friends and her failed marriage to Brad Pitt, which garnered her a great deal of sympathy. She seems to be quite a nice person and has turned out be one heck of a comedic actress, but she's no beauty.
Angelina Jolie: It's only fitting that she be considered after Ms. Anniston. There are men who think she's the sexiest thing on two legs. The drool over her lips. I find her tattooed body off-putting and her lips far from enticing. About the only thing that she stands for -- and she does this in tandem with Ms. Anniston -- is proof that Mr. Pitt has horrible taste in women. He could do so much better....
Sofia Vergara: The latest Latin hottie does have a phenomenal body, given her age, but her face is about as off-putting as they come. Any time she mugs comedically for the camera she looks like a pig. She's not ugly by any means, but by the same token, neither is she beautiful.
Jennifer Anniston: Another well-preserved older woman whose fame, I believe, derives from being in the cast of Friends and her failed marriage to Brad Pitt, which garnered her a great deal of sympathy. She seems to be quite a nice person and has turned out be one heck of a comedic actress, but she's no beauty.
Angelina Jolie: It's only fitting that she be considered after Ms. Anniston. There are men who think she's the sexiest thing on two legs. The drool over her lips. I find her tattooed body off-putting and her lips far from enticing. About the only thing that she stands for -- and she does this in tandem with Ms. Anniston -- is proof that Mr. Pitt has horrible taste in women. He could do so much better....
I'm sure there are more, but I'm out of time today.
(c) 2013 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles
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