The World Cup and Soccer Generally

 The long-delayed World Cup is upon us, coming from that Middle Eastern mecca of tolerance and modernity Qatar (pronounce it how you will), and the group stage is almost over.  There have been some unusual upsets -- Saudia Arabia defeating perennial favorite Argentina, for example -- and the usual thumpings by favorites over also-rans -- Spain over Costa Rica -- with most of the games low-scoring affairs.  The United States overcame the terrorist regime running Iran, mired in protests both at home and abroad, to qualify for the knockout stage, thereby relieving an entire nation more preoccupied with the Christmas season.  And Canada, in the World Cup for the first time in over twenty years, embarrassed itself by trying to strongarm Croatia.

Beside the games, however, is the silliness that accompanies the games.  As an American, I'm not in-the-know about the nuances of the game; in fact, I'm considered an unintelligent outsider.  So be it.  Having lived in Spain and experienced the game from the European perspective, I may be a tad more knowledgeable that the typical American in the street about the game.  Considering that I've followed La Liga since I lived in Spain, I do consider myself somewhat informed when it comes to the sport.  I only really follow the World Cup (and its qualifying rounds), La Liga and sundry European contests (Euros love to have tournaments, it seems, just to have more games to play).  So despite my heritage, I think I'm qualified to engage in a bit of criticism.

So here goes:

-- Calling football -- soccer, as we know it here -- the beautiful game is, to put it mildly, a joke.  First of all, the flopping, the complaining, the missed shots that aren't even close, the bad passes, the fan interactions with the players (more on that anon) decidedly remove the beauty from this game.  In fact, the women's game is closer to being the beautiful game, compared to the men's game which, rarely, if ever, has elements of beauty to it.

-- Soccer is now a world-wide game.  Because it's relatively inexpensive to play, it can be played on every continent.  Despite this, announcers insist on using English -- as in from England English -- to describe everything related to the game.  That's fine if you're on that island, but why do Americans insist on saying that the team's kit (uniforms) are sullied on the pitch (the field) and that the game is nil-nil (zero-zero or scoreless)?  What's more, since when did countries become plurals?  For example, "Spain have the most goals in the tournament."  What?!?!  Seriously, stop the British ass-kissing.

-- FIFA rules soccer.  It's one of the most corrupt organizations this side of the Cosa Nostra.  Granted, it's the governing body for the sport, but it's not infallible.  Why it won't make changes that would improve the game escapes me.  For example, instant replay cameras would do a world of good.  Doing away with the offsides trap would immeasurably speed up the game.  Giving yellow and red cards to floppers would discourage the use of the tactic.  But FIFA knows better.

-- Putting the games in Qatar is a joke.  I'm not arguing for them to be here -- which they will be in four years -- but Qatar has no soccer history whatsoever.  It's disgraceful that bribery ruled the day.

--  The time is kept almost arbitrarily.  How the refs know for certain how much added time is needed escapes me, as does how they know when the added time actually runs out.  There are unwritten rules about timekeeping -- as empirical an element of the game as there is -- that determine when the referee will blow his whistle.  And why doesn't the clock stop when there are substitutions?  This allows the team that's ahead to milk seconds off the clock as they walk off the field.  It's ridiculous.

-- Soccer fans are some of the unruliest fans in the world. They make Yankee and Deadbird fans look tame by comparison.  Whether it's the English hooligans, the Mexican anti-gay set or the South American battery-throwers, it's a discredit to the sport to allow such a criminal element to attend the games.  FIFA's limp response to these fan bases does nothing to enhance the beautiful game's image.

-- Flopping is ridiculous.  Countless replays show players who were barely touched or untouched at all roll for yards as if they were struck by a sniper's bullet.  Spaniards explained to me that this is gamesmanship.  In America we call this cheating.  If soccer's the beautiful game its supporters claim it to be, why does it need this in it?

I love international competitions.  I will cheer on my country and Spain throughout this tournament.  I watch the highlights on Youtube.com and not the games themselves because they're so god-awful boring.  

(c) 2022 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles