Karen and I like to watch House Hunters International ("HHI") for a variety of reasons. We get to see virtual tours of places we may someday like to visit, or that we'll never get to visit. We like to see if we can pick out the best of the options for the couple. And we get to kibbitz.
For those who aren't familiar with the show, it involves a couple, usually American but not always, who is moving to a foreign country to relocate or to buy a vacation home. They hook up with a local realtor who shows them three properties. Before the search begins, the realtor meets with the couple (although sometimes it's a single person with a friend in tow) to find out what they're looking for, what their budget is and sundry other information regarding their search. That's where the fun begins.
Then the realtor shows them three places, whether they're renting or buying, and the couple tags along to see the places. That's when the fun gets a turbo boost.
At the end, the couple sits together at a bar or some quiet location, acts like it's discussing what they've seen and what they really want and then make a decision. What has been leaked about this is that by the time this is filmed, the couple has already been living in whichever location it's chosen, so this is all for the show. Then the episode ends with a retrospective of sorts anywhere from two to six months later where the couple speaks glowingly about how they love their choice and how it was the best for them.
An added bonus to the set up is the unseen narrator who moves the action along. Her name is Andromeda Dunker. This stuff just can't be made up...unlike the show.
Anyhoo, there are several aspects that seem to recur no matter how old the couple, what country they're in, if they're buying or renting, if they speak the language, whether they're young or old...in short, one of the following is bound to appear in every episode.
-- Local Charm: This drives me absolutely insane. If someone's moving to a foreign country, why is there so much insistence that the residence have local charm????? Why isn't the locality itself charming enough? We've seen so many couples piss and moan about how this location doesn't have the requisite charm that they overlook the obvious advantages to the place...not to mention how cheaply they can add local charm with artwork, furniture, kitchenware, etc. What's more, half the time they don't even know what true local charm is and are relying on ersatz charm they've seen in the U.S. Ugh....
-- "It's too far from my work": As people whose work commutes average anywhere from two to three hours daily, to and from work, it's enervating in the extreme to listen to these people whine about how their prospective commutes are thirty minutes or less. Seriously? What's more, what happened to wanting all the local charm? Isn't taking the time to go to work an opportunity to soak in the local charm?
-- "It's not as X as we had in America": News flash: You've moved to a foreign country. There's a reason it's called a foreign country. Although they may speak English in the foreign country, they also speak a foreign language in the foreign country. No, their rooms aren't as large as ours, their refrigerators aren't as large as ours, their bathrooms aren't as nice as ours...did you do no research before you decided to move to Country X? It flabbergasts me to see how little some people know about the country to which they're moving.
-- "We can only spend X since one of us won't have a job here": Yes, he/she will. Every time someone complains about their budget due to the fact that one of the couple doesn't have a job yet, and they go looking at possible sites, make their choice and come back in two or three months...voila! The other spouse has a job. So for all the gnashing of teeth, rending of garments and tearing of hair, eventually any economic concern the couple has is resolved.
-- The Couples Themselves: It is rare to find a couple where both people are likeable. It doesn't matter which spouse, but usually one or the other spouses is obnoxious and unlikeable. Nothing's good enough for them, or he cares too much about spending $1 more than their planned budget, or she complains about how she's giving up everything to make the move with him...enough already. It's a wonder why some of these couples even married.
-- Extra Rooms For Guests: It never fails. A couple has to have extra rooms for guests. Do they not know there are hotels overseas? Can't their guests get a room? On one level, where there's an elderly parent that may visit, I can understand the need and perhaps the desire to have a room in the new location for that guest. But where it's a young couple, or even an older couple, visiting that can easily afford to rent a room at a hotel nearby, why all the angst? While these folks were looking for a place to stay in their new country...where were they staying? I doubt they pitched a tent in the local park.
-- The Realtors: If one watches the show enough, certain realtors in certain countries seem to be the go-to real estate agent for the show. Britain has a bald guy with a full beard who is slightly affected. Watching him try to shoot a basketball was...painful. Then there's a guy in Germany and Belgium who's fond of unbuttoning his shirt down as far as he can to show off his hairless chest. A real estate agent in Holland wears long skirts that are about as wild and mismatched as the wild and mismatching blouses she wears. And it's painful to listen to some of the Asian real estate agents speak if for no other reason than they are about as humorless as a person can still be and call oneself a person. The best part of listening to the real estate agents is their asides to the camera about the couples when they're separated, although by far the best moment occurred in Australia with a bizarre tree-hugging pair -- just friends, apparently -- who were mesmerized by the tree they were hugging in the front yard and ignoring the broker's suggestion they go inside to look at the house.
-- The Money: Where do some of these young couples get the money to spend on houses or apartments? This is more of a question for the younger couples and ones on other shows, but occasionally a young couple will be moving abroad and have gazillions to spend on a place. They look like they've been out of high school for about five years. Did they win the lottery? Are they descended from old money?
-- Balconies: Everyone wants a balcony. Why? Can't you just look out the window? And when they'e presented with a balcony, sometimes the balconies are laughable. Open the door, step out a foot to the railing and then shuffle down to the end of the one-foot wide balcony, then shuffle to the other end. Why?
-- Inside/Outside the Locale: Invariably, one partner wants to live in the city center, while the other person wants to live outside the city. Usually, this is where the complaint about how the one partner gave up everything to move overseas with the other partner (see, The Couples Themselves, supra) whines about how they don't want to live inside or outside the city. How on earth did these people ever marry?
-- A View: This cracks me up. When one of the main requirements is a view, and the couple is shown a place that has a view -- say, of the ocean -- they ooh and aah about being able to see a sliver of the ocean through other buildings. That's a view? Or if it's mountains, they can see the distant mountains -- or a portion of them -- through the utility wires and rooftops of adjacent buildings. I must have a different understanding of what constitutes a view. I would readily agree that looking at the apartment building nextdoor isn't a view, but what people accept as a view mystifies me.
-- Outdoor Space...For the Pet: Now, as a proud owner of two bulldogs whose scatalogical habits are demanding, to say the least, I can appreciate the need for an outdoor facility for pets. But what's wrong with walking them across the street, or down the block to the park? Bring a poop bag, put on your coat and shoes, and walk the pet to do its business. Why is it a requirement that Fluffy has an outdoor bathroom with the house? Unless it's Lassie who's also footing part of the bill, make it go to the park and bring a poop bag.
We love the show. We try to see which of the three choices the couples will choose, then determine which one is in their best interest.
Considering what Andromeda Dunker likes in houses, though, we shouldn't be surprised by the always eclectic nature of HHI's couples' wants:
(c) 2021 The Truxton Spangler Chronicles
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